


Baby, We Mammals

by Holy_Leonards_After_Dark (Holy_Leonards)



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Censorship, Communism, Crack, Discovery Channel, Doing It, Explosions, FCC, M/M, Mammals, Rad Repeatin' Tarzan, Voyeur Danse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:34:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6953146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards_After_Dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nate informs Nick that they are both nothing but mammals and so they should do it like they do it on THE Discovery Channel, ya dig?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, We Mammals

“Nick, do you remember much about television?” Nate had Nick cornered, and not in a bad, creepy way.

 

“Vaguely? Kid, you have to remember, I'm, like, 70 in robot years.”

 

“Do you remember the-” Dramatic Pause. “Discovery Channel?”

 

“What?” Suddenly, understanding and disgust crossed his beat-up features. “Oh... Oh, God.”   
  


Nate's grin widened. “You and me, baby, we ain't nothing but m-”

 

“Stop.”

 

“-Ammals. So, let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.”

 

“I'm a robot, not a mammal.”

 

Danse, the voyeur, spoke up, “Will you two geezers stop it with your classical music and just bang already?”

 

Ignoring Danse, Nate said, “My mammal senses are tingling.” He assumed the position.

 

Nick, a robot, but also a former sex beast of a man, was in quite a predicament. On one hand, his mammal senses, too, were tingling, and it was hard to ignore a tingling sensation when you're backed up against a wall with a man's ass on your dick. On the other, actually... there is no other hand. Nick couldn't think of a single reason not to plow Nate.

 

“I'm still a sex beast!” Nick cried, ripping off his clothes to reveal a loin-cloth. “I am Rad (heh) Repeatin' Tarzan!”

 

“Wow, Nick, that's pretty hot,” Nate said, remembering his childhood. His Mom had bought him Rad Repeatin' Tarzan, specifically because she thought it was hilarious. Now, Nate's a filthy robo-fucker. Thanks for ruining my life, MOM!

 

Nick daintily lifted up his loin-cloth, revealing a monster dong. I mean a big, huge dongerdong. Like, how did he hide that thing under that tiny cloth?

 

“Nick, wait,” Nate said. “I've heard people under 18 could be reading this.”

 

“That's sick!”   
  


“I know, so let's keep this PG-13, just to be safe.”

 

Suddenly, a censor bar – a big, big one – appeared over Nick's tricky dick.

 

“GOD DAMMIT!” Yelled Danse, the voyeur.

 

“I know!” Nate agreed. “Don't they ruin everything!”

 

Nick stuck his not-a-penis into Nate's not-a-butthole, beginning something entirely PG.

 

Nick, sweating coolant profusely, added, “Common Sense Media would love this,” he grunted.

 

“Suitable for even the strictest househoooooooooolds,” Nate said, not-ejaculating onto the floor.

 

“[Beep] that's _a great, moral lesson,”_ Danse commented, the last part badly dubbed over.

 

As soon as Nick reached not-climax, his mammal sensors exploded, leaving the [Beep] (I meant [Beep] as in detective! Don't censor me!!) in a million, robot-gory pieces.

 

[God disliked that.]

 

Nate looked back, and whistled. “Wow, how did that get passed the censors?”

 

Danse replied, “I think they just care about naughty words and naughty parts.”

 

“Hmm,” Nate responded, looking over the scene. “I guess, we should bury him.”

 

“We could cremate him, like the Vikings did.”

 

Nate's eyes widened with fear. “Danse! You know Common Sense Media considers Non-Christianity obscene!”

 

Danse looked at his watch. “I think that Naruto show's on now. I think we can lighten up on the censorship.”

 

“Oh, thank God!”

 

[God liked that.]

 

Danse and Nate grabbed a bucket and two mops, mopping up the soupy, metallic mess. They squeezed the mops, collected what was left of Nick in the bucket.

 

They carried Nick outside, and dumped him in one of the holes that Dogmeat is always digging up.

 

“Dogmeat, you're like a 50s Dad or something.” Nate said. “Always digging holes in the backyard. You know, there isn't any more civilization to be nuked, right? No more bomb shelters.”

 

A tear rolled down Dogmeat's furry, furry face.

 

“And now we lay to rest this [Beep]hole – oh! Oh! Come the [Beep] on!”

 

Danse and Nate threw some flowers unto the dirt mound.

 

“Should we play Taps?” Danse asked.

 

Nate looked through his holotapes. “I don't think I have that one. I have this, though.”

 

Louie Louie by the Kingsmen started blaring from the Pipboy.

 

[Karl Marx loved that.]

 

Suddenly, the FCC burst onto the scene. “Stop right there, unacceptable-bags!”

 

They placed the two in handcuffs.

 

“You're charged with naughty parts, naughty language, and Communism!”

 

“What?” Nate said. “I'm not communist! I fought for this country!” His voice getting quieter and quieter as they led him off.

 

“What did I do?” Danse demanded.   
  


“You're charged for having your breasts produce lumps in your shirt.”

 

“I... ?? I have a beard.”

 

“Man tiddies count too. Now, come with us!”

 

They threw the two men into their squadcars.

 

They were never seen or heard from again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Back in the good old days (Early 1960s) the CIA analyzed Louie Louie after getting reports of subliminal messages involving turning the listeners into communists. Also there were reports of incredibly dirty lyrics. Thank God for poor recording techniques so we could have another dimension added to this garbage.


End file.
